Traitor (A Crown of Lilies Book 1) Read online

  “…If time permits and you’re so inclined.”

  I huffed a laugh. “Oh, I think we’ll have time to spare. Aubrey says the journey takes weeks, even in good weather.” The spooked flock returned, swooping across my field of view as I continued to stare at the sky. “Have you ever been on a ship?” I asked. That part of the upcoming journey unnerved me a bit, especially after my mother’s dire description of the ocean we meant to cross.

  “Once, many years ago.”

  That piqued my interest. I pushed myself up onto my elbows, looking over at him. “A tall ship?”

  He nodded, glancing at me. “A small one. A fishing vessel. My friend’s father’s ship.”

  When he didn’t offer more, I pressed. “Why?”

  He shrugged, eyes scanning the field. “Thought I’d try my hand at a different life.” A tiny, bitter smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Wasn’t for me.”

  I watched his face. He was always difficult to read, but the telltales were there, hidden between his words.

  “A woman?” I asked carefully.

  Tugging at a sprig of grass, he avoided my gaze. “His sister.”

  I considered digging, but it was clearly a painful memory and I dared not press further. He stood, brushing off his hands and offering me one.

  “We should start back.”

  Valor was calm and sated by the time we made it home, the sun low in the sky and the chill of the evening settling on the city. I turned down a diligent stable boy whose name I regretted not knowing, preferring to tend to my mount myself. Quintin left me to it, disappearing into the house without a word.

  Slinging the saddle over the edge of the stall, I felt a pang of guilt, thoughts of James surfacing in my mind for the first time in a long while. A melancholy washed over me as I brushed Valor thoroughly, even taking a comb to his mane and tail before picking the mud from his hooves. The soothing slosh of the water bucket steadied my racing thoughts. The itch of hay on my forearms and the smell of saddle oil calmed me. I sat on a straw bale with a bridle and rag in my hand, lost inside my own head for a long while.

  “Leaving is never easy, love.” I looked up to see my mother watching me across the aisle.

  I struggled to put my thoughts into order. “I have before.”

  “But never so far, for so long.” She crossed to me and sat down at my side. “And never leaving so much behind.” That gentle tone would be my undoing.

  “I’m afraid,” I confessed.

  “Of what?” she challenged patiently, pushing me to search, to evaluate, to identify.

  “To be so far from everything I’ve ever known. To leave Valor behind, to think I’ve abandoned him. And what if Adrian changes his mind?” Once the floodgates were open, I was hard-pressed to control the tide. “And I’ve made such a mess of things with James.”

  I had to pause at that, my voice cracking as I shook my head in helpless disgust at the way things had ended between us.

  “Everything is changing. A new Queen. A new heir to the throne. These foreign delegations. And I can’t seem to shake this damned awful feeling in my stomach,” I gasped in frustration, hot tears streaming down my face. “Like the wolves are at the door and I’m powerless to stop them.”

  Soft hands pulled my head to her shoulder, stroking my hair and waiting out the storm of my despair.

  “Valor will return to Laezon with me, and spend a year biting the stable boys and getting fat.” I laughed through my tears at that, and felt her smile. “Adrian is mad for you and will wait. Miserably, I’m sure, but he has his fleet to keep him distracted until winter. Even then, I’m certain you’ve seen to it that he’ll have plenty of fond memories to keep him warm.” I sat up, wiping my blushing face. “As for James, well…hearts mend.”

  “I’m not sure he’ll ever forgive me,” I sniffled miserably.

  “You both knew what it was when you started. You have your duty, and he will find another. Give it time.” One soft hand found my chin, lifting my gaze to hers. The firm resolve in her eyes braced me. “And you, my ferocious daughter, are the farthest thing from powerless I’ve ever known.” She released me. “Your father and I will keep an eye on things here. Amenon has many allies, and I am not without my resources.”

  Drifting on the hollow wake of that storm, I collapsed into my bed that night and dreamed of adventure.

  The next morning, I did get a reprieve from training, as the travel party was due to depart the house just after dawn. Servants loaded a wagon with our trunks and various accoutrements for the voyage ahead. I said one final farewell to Valor, who nudged me with his velvety nose, and wrapped Shera in a tearful embrace. Then, there was nothing left but to make our way to Dockside and the boat awaiting us at the harbor there.

  Aubrey’s porters were already loading his trunks when we arrived. Lord Augustus greeted us heartily, clutching my mother against his robust frame and lamenting their shared woes of sending their children away. Aubrey was grinning from ear to ear. Adrian stood on the deck of the boat, conversing with a hawk-nosed man of middling years. When he caught sight of me, he broke away, leaping over the railing onto the dock. It made me laugh, and he smiled nearly as broadly as Aubrey as he made his way over to me.

  “I’ve counted the minutes,” he beamed as I dropped from the carriage to greet him, his carefully composed demeanor replaced by boyish charm. Before I knew it, the last of our cargo had been stowed and it was time to cast off.

  My mother wrapped me in a crushing embrace. “Take care of that foolish boy,” she murmured into my ear. “And try to enjoy yourself.” After one final squeeze, she held me at arm’s length, eyes glistening. “Remember, it’s all a grand adventure. Be safe, but do not take the weight of the world with you. These days are precious and fleeting.”

  “I’ll try,” I promised.

  She stood straight-backed and beautiful, her slender frame dwarfed beside Lord Augustus, the both of them waving a final farewell to us from the dock. Far too soon, the tide took us and we were swept downriver.

  “Leon bet a silver you’d cry,” Aubrey teased beside me at the railing.

  “He did not,” I balked, turning to glare at him and finding my friend grinning at me with tears of his own in his eyes.

  “No,” he admitted. “He bet I would.” He dabbed his damp cheeks on one sleeve. “I hate losing,” he muttered.

  I flashed him a lupine smirk. “Best get used to it. I’ve a dicing reputation to uphold.”

  It was an elegant vessel, to be sure, a vast pleasure barge kept by the Van Dryn House to ferry them up and down the Septim River in comfort. Operated by a small but capable crew, there was a significant amount of space dedicated to the leisure of the passengers. Silk shades littered the open and airy deck, covering couches and carpets set out for our enjoyment. Natalia took obvious pleasure in assigning us our own well-appointed, if small, staterooms, and pointing out the various games and diversions available in the adjoining common area.

  It was a fantastically luxurious way to travel. Sailors slipped unobtrusively about their duties, the captain well at ease behind the helm. We spent the first day lounging in the shade on deck, Aubrey and I marveling at the sights along the bank. Birds, beasts, and small villages slid past us along the water’s edge as the barge drifted on the river’s lazy current.

  The quarters were full, the entire Van Dryn family returning to Daria for the summer. I finally met Natalia’s husband Oliver, a wiry merchant with a sharp brow and a gentle disposition. Their twin sons looked very much like him, with the same curly brown hair. Alec’s wife Sara was also in attendance, a pretty young woman with one babe on her hip and another growing in her belly. Along with them came an assortment of cousins and kin, many of whom I’d already met at the Greyshor.

  Dinner was surprisingly lavish, with all manner of delicacies laid for our delight. It was a delicious, raucous affair, celebrating the commencement of our great adventure. Diligent nannies whi
sked away the children once supper had concluded. Wine flowed, and the common room was filled with laughter and song for many hours thereafter. Quintin, of course, abstained in his usual fashion, but the rest of us had a ridiculously good time and all my apprehension vanished beneath Adrian’s doting attentions. When the night grew late and our companions began to retire, I caught my prudish guardian’s eye, that piercing blue gaze reading my thoughts across the room. You won’t like what comes next. His scowl darkened and he excused himself, retiring to his quarters.

  Adrian’s arms slid around my waist from behind, his breath hot on my hair. Natalia and her husband slipped away laughing. Someone was helping Sara haul Alec’s nearly-unconscious body to their stateroom. Lord Yuri and his wife had long since retired. Warm fingers slid down my arm, taking my hand and leading me slowly to an elegant chamber at the end of the hall. As heir, he claimed the largest and most lavish quarters, second only to his parents’ accommodations. Two large windows spilled the night sky into the room as I threw the latch and leaned back against the door, willing my breath to steady. He retreated a few steps, watching me with that simmering hunger.

  My mother had taught me more than just poisons and eavesdropping. I used it all, that night.

  Those gray eyes devoured every inch of flesh revealed as I peeled my gown from me slowly, deliberately. That elegant throat bobbed when the bodice slipped down off my breasts, already peaked and aching for his touch. I thought he might close on me then, but he was patient. He knew what that control meant to me – what I needed to reclaim.

  When the last of the fabric pooled at my feet, laying me wholly bare before him in the moonlight, no sound but the shuddering of his shallow breath echoed in that room. The straining, consuming need I read in him sent a ripple of fire down my spine. Those rough hands moved to the buttons of his doublet, deftly springing the first few free before I could open my mouth.

  “No,” I grated out, the command in my voice a foreign and unknown thing.

  He froze, fingers stilling halfway through the next button, and lowered his hands once again. I prowled across those few steps, letting my hair tumble over my shoulders to shroud my chest in a parody of modesty. He drew another shaking breath as I circled him, dragging a hand across his torso in a shamelessly possessive gesture. That flesh was mine to unleash. To reveal. To claim.

  He let me.

  I took my time. With teeth and claws, I took back that which I had once taken for granted – that which was mine by right. My body. My desire. The unfettered feeling of agency over both. Every deliciously cruel trick I’d learned, I used on him. I fed every aching gasp, every feral groan, every gleam of his eyes to those hateful voices in my head; undeniable proof that I had the power to control this body, to use it as I saw fit. He surrendered every inch of himself to me, gave himself over as the willing supplicant to the brutal temple of my redemption.

  I made him beg, before the end.

  CHAPTER 25

  Dawn had just begun to creep through the windows when a fist rapped on the door. We both shot upright, Adrian reaching for his sword. My own lay buried in a chest in my room several doors down. A pause was followed by another trio of firm pounding on the wood. The murkiness of sleep clearing, I glanced out the window to see the first lights of day peeking over the horizon.

  “On deck. Five minutes,” Quintin’s brusque voice called from the other side. His heavy steps retreated down the hall.

  “Fucking hells.” Adrian tossed his sword aside, collapsing back onto the pillows and eyeing me sidelong. “You let him talk to you like that?”

  I was already scrambling for my clothes. “Long story.”

  “You’ll have to share that one, sometime.”

  In the end, I had to don my gown just to slip down the hall to my own room, where my trunk awaited with my gear. Yanking my boots on, I hopped up the steep stairs in my breeches and tunic and hurried across the deck to where Quintin stood. He was in a rare mood, arms crossed and scowling.

  I eyed him irritably as I approached. “Might I remind you that you volunteered for this assignment? You could at least attempt some minor level of civility, no matter how much you dislike my choice of company.”

  He didn’t move, his stone-like demeanor on full display. “It is your complete lack of decency I find offensive.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. “What in this wide world is not offensive to you Tuvrian prigs?”

  He ignored my barb, pale eyes glinting angrily. “He is not yet your husband. You dishonor your father’s House. You dishonor yourself.”

  “I seem to recall you claiming it wasn’t your place to judge my actions.”

  One nostril twitched as he swallowed a retort, keeping his cool composure in hand. “I am not here to be your chaperone. I am here to keep you alive and to continue your training. If you have a problem with my attitude, you can take it up with your father upon our return.” His tone put a firm end to the discussion. “Now warm up.”

  I obeyed, stretching and burning my way through a basic circuit of one-handed drills. When I’d finished, he bid me draw my dagger and we repeated the same deflect-and-strike pattern from the other day. Sailors eyed us curiously as they went about their duties. After about a half hour, he demonstrated a variation on the same technique, and we spent the remainder of our practice on that. It took the entirety of my focus, but I acquitted myself well enough. When he finally called a close to the exercise, I was sweaty and sore.

  “That’s enough for today.”

  My head lolled back, gasping for air. Out the corner of my eye, I saw Adrian emerge from below-deck.

  “Be here on time tomorrow,” Quintin growled and took his leave. He might have helped me piece myself back together after the assault in Dockside, but he could still be an insufferable jackass. Adrian fetched up beside me and watched him stalk off toward the aft of the barge.

  “Is he always like that?”

  “Pretty much,” I mumbled, sheathing my weapons.

  Those storm eyes turned my way, giving me an appraising scan. “I have to say, I much prefer you in silk.” It made me laugh, which made him smile. “Come, you must be dying for a bath.”

  I followed him to a small room near the galley, a tiny washroom dominated by a large copper tub. Adrian ducked his head into the kitchen across the hall and called for the servants to draw a bath.

  “I was expecting a basin and some river water,” I admitted. It was another exorbitant luxury.

  “Fetch your things, I’ll make sure you’re well attended.”

  My muscles sang as I lowered myself into the steaming tub. A solicitous maid poured a few ewers of water over my head before I heard the door behind me open and close.

  “That will be all, thank you.” Adrian’s sultry voice sounded from the doorway. Without hesitation, the woman set down the ewer and took her leave, bobbing a curtsy before slipping past him out the door.

  “You mean to make a scandal,” I mused.

  “Our staff is very discreet.”

  “Does this mean you’ll be joining me?”

  He smirked, shedding his tunic. “Can you blame me?”

  I stuck my nose in the air. “Well, after seeing me in my breeches, I’d be surprised if you could resist.”

  He sank down into the tub opposite me, sloshing a significant amount of water over the edge in the process.

  “You’re going to sink us.”

  “Best hurry, then,” he replied with a grin, grasping my wrist and tugging me toward him. I rose to my knees to maneuver, the tub generous enough but definitely not designed for two. His hands gripped my backside beneath the water, pulling me onto his lap, and I couldn’t help but flush at the clear evidence of his desire pressing up against me.

  “No need for rest, commander?” I teased, grazing his cheek with my nose before nipping at his earlobe.

  He loosed a husky laugh against my throat. “I’ll make do.” I gasped as he pulled me down onto
him, filling me in a single stroke. A lupine grin crept across his face as he watched mine twist in ecstasy. “Only this time,” he growled with a slow, shallow thrust. “I won’t be the one begging.”

  Ah, gods, it was sweet. We reveled in our youth and our newfound love. For five days, we traveled the river, the hours filled with friends and good conversation. I found myself enjoying the company of the children, chasing and playing silly games. Natalia’s company, too, I relished. We talked at length, often with her twin boys toddling around us, and I came to know her better. Lord Yuri’s only daughter was a proud woman with a fierce heart. Several stories of her days at sea surfaced in our evening debauchery, each one more outlandish than the last. As a mother, she was patient and kind, but in battle, she had a reputation for being ruthless. Aubrey and Alec developed a rapport and spent much time in one another’s company discussing philosophy.

  In the mornings, I kept my word and met Quintin on deck at dawn. After the third day, we drew a small crowd, and on the fourth, Natalia and Alec wanted to join in. They were both capable soldiers, but when they wagered they could best my Tuvrian guardian, I knew they were outmatched. I kept as much to myself, though, eager as I was for a bit of entertainment.

  He allowed them to press him for a time, making a good show of it for the sake of diplomacy. His footwork was patient, circling them and keeping them both in front of him. I saw the switch when he decided to end it. It didn’t take long. With five quick strokes of his twin swords, Van Dryn steel clattered to the planks underfoot and both of the seasoned fighters stood empty-handed before him, startled expressions on their faces. Awed applause rang out from the bystanders, and Adrian’s siblings bowed good-naturedly in concession. I couldn’t help but feel a small swell of pride as Quintin sheathed his blades and returned the courtesy. He might be an insufferable prude, but he was a member of my household.